..so what now? - Paganism as Experience

I spent the better part of a year reading everything I could get my hands on about nature centered paganism, devotional polytheism, and meditative journeying work. Like any new-comer pagan, I wanted to be thorough, and find where I seem to resonate the most on the spiritual spectrum. I.e. I am I a hard or soft polytheist? Do I believe in gods at all? Is it that I believe that there are various manifestations of cosmological and natural forces? I am sure that I am not the only one, that while browsing the pagan blogosphere, felt as though finding answers to these questions was crucial before engaging socially with others concerning their religion.

While I am not saying that knowing the answer to these questions is not important, I did find myself so preoccupied with research and dialectical debates on the matter that I actually didn't allow myself the room to spiritually experience the possibilities of all this theological theorizing. I tried to intellectually analyze all of the "data" - which was really, in the end, accounts of how others experience the spiritual and the occult- and then mentally determine which "fit" was best from my personal bias. Whoa, boy, was I going about it wrong!

When I just let all of the research and book knowledge go, and opened myself to the world around me, I found that it was rife with energy, that genius loci and entities (gods, spirits, fae, whatever you would like to call them) are present, that nature's power is tangible, regardless of how you metaphysically and religiously categorize it. This was how I should have started - from experience and then researched how those experiences might have been codified and transcribed into religious tradition.

Once I encountered a seemingly moon/night based deity in a spiritual journey that, had I based it on my research, I would have tried to stuff in my mind as the role of Nyx or Selene. But as she appeared to me at that time, she was a murky mixture of aspects of both, and even still to this day I am hesitant to ascribe names to her lest that back her into an identity corner that would limit my understanding of the experience of her. After letting go of my assumptions, it was easier to just let her be in my mind as she manifested, not what I tried to limit her to.

When I was learning about the "green man" I also tried to ascribe this role to a genius loci I call the "Old Man" who is a steward of the land, but never once has he presently conveyed to me that he is the virile stud that many pagans experience the green man as being.  I tried so hard to fit him into my paradigm of nature, but his first lesson was of course that he and all of the natural world is unbound by our preconceptions, no matter how ingrained  they may be.

So with this in mind, I believe that research and knowledge is of course vital to a pagan in respectfully engaging with other traditions and faiths, but in the end Spirit is not going to just appear a certain way because you wish it. Be open to possibilities, and I have found with that comes a world of spiritual discovery.

p.s. This is all based on my personal UPG, so please take this post within that context.

My first bit of poetry to share: The Hidden Ones

It's been a difficult meandering of thought to come to this decision, as I have always been extremely self conscious when it comes to sharing my creative work. But since much of my poetry deals with the gods and the spiritual encounters they have shared with me, and as consequence the purpose of writing them down was to creatively honor and devotionally acknowledge the forces, genius loci, and deities that have showed me so much already, it seemed wrong at the end of the day to not share my wonder of the universe with the world. I always thank Apollo for his inspiration, and to not let the result of his willingness to share just a little bit of creativity with me be shared with someone seems in part to not fully recognize and respect his gifts.

So with a leap of faith and a fear of criticism, here goes nothing!

(Shes taking the high give, shes flipping uncontrollably, and the landing is.......a mess)

This first piece I would like to share came about as the result of a meditative journey into the realm of spirit. I am not going to go into the discussion of whether or not it's the spirits playing with the images and notions already present in my mind to create such an experience, or if it's just how I was actually processing the whole shindig, because undoubtedly this piece is a paltry record of how it actually went down. But as poetry and my own words seem to be the only way to convey it, here goes nothing.

(we are not sure if her body will heal back to it's uninjured form after such a hard, unforgivable impact, but she's getting up anyway, hobbling along back to ladder, hoping to do it all over again)

by songofilluvatar

The hidden ones, those who keep the flame burning,

that washes the cosmos in holy light,

the fire of eternal creation, ever unfolding like origami,

with a message from their voices scrawled in the center

crying “Veritas”

they left the winding thread, this spiral path,

to the heart of the realm, and there I found a fool,

parading as king, ruling over a land so fair that turned black

at his Midas touch,

and I saw the labyrinth Madonna behind his throne

pointing, as if to say, here is your assignment

The target which will right the scales when arrow lodges in skull,

and so I aimed and took faith in my shot, and with shaft

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